- 1 Do You Want To Be Right? Or Do You Want To Be Happy?
- 2 I can be right, or I can be happy
- 3 LRS 022: How to Be Happy Without Changing Anything
- 4 You Can Be Right Or You Can Be Happy. Pick One.
- 5 The Truth About Happiness Revealed – How To Be Happy RIGHT NOW!
Do You Want To Be Right? Or Do You Want To Be Happy?
I saw an interview recently with a probate lawyer about families and wills. She said that more families fight over the terms of wills and estates than those who simply accept them. They fight so long and so hard, spending more money on legal fees, and end up with less than they would have if they simply accepted the terms of the will. She said it always seems to come down to family members fighting because they want to feel that they are right.
The bottom line is: "Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?"
I believe you can apply this same logic to divorces and this is exactly what I went through in my own divorce.
My situation was a bit unusual. Just as my husband and I separated, I also lost my job (thanks to the economy), my mom died, my daughter moved away from home, and then I had to move. all within a few months. The separation and eventual divorce was part of a series of losses that nearly did me in.
I learned some lessons that were true in our case, but not necessarily in everyone's divorce. I was talking to a friend recently and she told me that she and her ex-husband had the most loving, supportive and generous break-up imaginable. They didn't fight over anything, custody, money, home. not one thing. The only reason they eventually got divorced was because years after their separation, her husband got involved with someone who insisted he get a divorce.
In my case, and in most of the divorces I've witnessed, we fought. We were both angry, and in pain, and we lashed out.
Here's what I learned that would have been helpful at the time. You do not have to rush, unless there are financial arrangements that have to be made, but a final divorce agreement can wait until you've had some time to process the feelings. My ex set an appointment for a mediator less than two months after we decided to separate, when we were still living in the same apartment. His way of dealing with anxiety was to try to get the divorce finalized. I needed the opposite. I needed time to process all the changes that were going on in my life. It turned out that it took us 3 years and many legal battles that cost way too much money.
Being right is not better than being happy.
Fortunately, miraculously, seven years later, my ex and I are now friendly. We both admitted that we made many mistakes both in our marriage and in our divorce. Would slowing down have made a huge difference? I have no idea. But I know that the pressure I felt, the need to take some time to work through all the feelings and not worry about mediators, emails, legal issues, might have made that period in my life less stressful.
I did learn that I am more fragile and stronger than I ever knew and I believe that most of us are.
Divorce is like a death. In some ways it can be worse, or feel worse, because you are so mad at your ex and yet there they are, still alive, no longer in love with you and probably dating. It hurts and it's also a relief. You're no longer trapped in a marriage that wasn't working for either of you.
Take the time you need to feel all the feelings and don't worry about being right.
I can be right, or I can be happy
The everchanging philosophy of a recovering control freak.
My God, is not a God of "everything happens for a reason"
I'm thinking of making a come back
We still have a few more finishing touches, along with at least one more trip to IKEA. but yesterday we had a Mother's Day dinner for family and everything worked great. I even think my macaroni and cheese tasted better than usual. Can a new updated kitchen make your old recipes taste better?
LRS 022: How to Be Happy Without Changing Anything
Welcome to the 22nd episode of the Let’s Reach Success Podcast. The topic today is how to be happy without changing anything on the outside.
Whoever you are, there’s something I’m sure we have in common. We want to be happier. How we define happiness may be different, but that’s a goal we share. And it’s what everyone wants, whether he’s doing something about it or not.
That’s what I’ll talk about in today’s show – finding happiness in daily life, without trying too much, without putting in a lot of effort.
In fact, I’ll not just discuss how to be happy, but how to reach such a state of mind without changing anything on the outside.
I believe happiness is a choice, and it doesn’t depend on external factors. It’s within us.
Everyone wants to succeed and have great relationships, build a career and become the best version of himself. All these are simple – there are certain things you need to do, changes to make in your lifestyle and steps to take. But it’s not easy. It requires dedication, time, effort, often money, support, sacrifices, hard work and perseverance. That’s why so few have achieved it.
Another thing everyone wants is to be happy. It’s also simple, but what separates it from the things mentioned before, is that it’s easy.
You can be happy right here, right now, without changing anything in your environment or looks. It takes a few deep realizations, but once you do it, everything changes simply because you start looking at things with the eyes of a happy person.
The journey takes place inside of you – your mind mainly, your heart, body and soul. It’s easy and simple and unlike success, relationships and other areas of life, it doesn’t require any knowledge, time or efforts.
All you need to do is explore yourself a bit, change your relationship with yourself, start looking at things in a bit more different way and come to a few important realizations. But after that, you will feel reborn and absolutely ready for the things life has in store.
People think life is complex, that we don’t deserve happiness, that everything comes for a price, and no matter what there will always be something to ruin your pleasure, that every day is a battle and so on. But this attitude itself is self-destructive. It’s too much pressure, anxiety and stress. That makes things complex. Otherwise, everything’s easy, peaceful and pleasant.
You don’t need to work for your happiness.
Don’t confuse it with success, money and being in shape. It’s the easiest thing simply because you can do it in an instant by just going with the flow, seeing all the beauty around you and the positives in your life, experiencing the moment and letting go of the limitations you set for yourself.
You are literally moments away from the ultimate happiness and it’s only because you haven’t decided that you deserve and want to be happy. Maybe you fear it in some way because… well, everything will be great then and you won’t have anything to worry about.
But life in the comfort zone, the one we’re used to leading, includes constant worries and it’s somehow comforting to have many thoughts in your head all the time and feel like many things are going on. If that’s so, you’ve got a bigger problem than just not being happy.
This sounds like such a simple question. And for most people the answer is even easier: just be.
That really is how it works. And yet, we know so many people that have everything they want, everything it takes to be happy no matter what your definition of happiness and success is, but still don’t feel satisfied, don’t feel like they have a reason to be grateful for, take everything for granted and just aren’t happy.
On the other side, there are people who have less than the average person, but for them it’s more than enough. And they are way happier than those who have more. It’s simply because they appreciate it and thank for it every single day.
Then what does it take to become one of them?
If you want to see how to be happy without changing anything, check out today’s episode.
- Who’s to blame for the lack of happiness in your life [1:56]
- What is happiness [2:17]
- How others are taking it away from you [3:15]
- What you do wrong that makes you unhappy [4:22]
- Where can happiness be found [5:00]
- 5 ways to be happier [7:24]
Listen to the episode here:
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What’s your take on happiness? What would you advice people who want to learn how to be happy? What has worked for you in the past?
You Can Be Right Or You Can Be Happy. Pick One.
Over 85% of our personal and financial success stems not from our technical skills, but from our ability to have positive interpersonal relationships.
If you’ve ever taken a behavioral assessment, like the Myers Briggs, Disc, Insights, colors, animals, etc., then you’re probably familiar with the concepts I’m about to explain. Unfortunately you need a Ph.D. to understand much of what’s been written on the topic. I’m going to simplify it.
While there are dozens of names and labels, ultimately, there are 4 primary behavior styles: 1) Driver 2) Expressive 3) Amiable 4) Analytical. Everyone is a combination of styles, meaning no one is all one style or none of another. We all float along on a continuum. When we are under stress, our styles become magnified so heavily that our strengths actually get overextended and become a weakness.
When communicating with others, your style shapes your perspective and your perception of reality. Let’s face it, no one would intentionally communicate ineffectively. That means that when we’re communicating, we think we’re right. In a conflict or a disagreement, if we think we’re right, that automatically makes the other person wrong. Well, you can be right or you can be happy. The goal of style-flexing is to focus on getting it right (accomplishing the goal) rather than being right.
Your style has nothing to do with how educated you are, nor does your style have anything to do with your age. Style isn’t determined by moral turpitude, intelligence, or intent. Your style is merely a reflection of how you react, respond, and communicate. We are all born with predispositions to certain styles. Our environment then shapes and molds us.
This is what you need to know about the basics of the four styles.
Drivers walk fast, talk fast, eat fast, think fast, multi-task, and focus on getting results. Drivers like to be in control and appreciate when others share their sense of urgency. The Driver’s motto? If it ain’t broke, break it, because I can make it work quicker, faster, easier and better.
Drivers are big picture thinkers, and they are extremely decisive. They sometimes make careless errors or make decisions without having all the information. They typically have a short fuse and get angry easily, but they get over it just as fast.
Drivers tend to be extroverted. They gain energy being around others and in social situations. They think and process aloud, so they often say things they regret. Because Drivers are results-oriented, task driven, and assertive, when they are under stress and pressure, they can come across as rude, aggressive, or abrasive.
Drivers are not typically detail-oriented; they don’t care how the clock was made, they just want to know the time, and they want to know now.
Drivers like to be in control. They know what they want, and they accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. They think strategically, rather than tactically.
Like Drivers, Expressives are big picture thinkers, fast-paced, and impatient. They are also more extroverted, process aloud, and prefer the big picture to details. Unlike Drivers, Expressives are more focused on people and relationships than results.
Expressives are sharers. They will come into work on Monday and walk around the office telling everyone what happened from the time they left the office on Friday until they drove in the parking lot that morning (and they have pictures to prove it!)
Expressives are story tellers, they are persuasive, and enjoy being the center of attention. Because they move fast and focus on the big picture, they tend to make careless errors and miss details.
Validation, feedback, and recognition are crucial to Expressives. They struggle with social rejection and hate when others appear upset with them.
Expressives appear disorganized, tend to have lots of piles, start on the next task before finishing the one they are working on, and get bored easily. They are emotional, highly social, extremely persuasive, and enjoy building relationships and fun environments.
In contrast to Drivers and Expressives, Amiables and Analyticals are slow-paced, patient, introverted, and detail-oriented.
Amiables are all about harmony and peace. They are extremely loyal, and they are great listeners. Amiables are team-players who love doing things to help others. Amiables don’t like to be the center of attention, but they do want to know they are making a difference.
Amiables dislike conflict, confrontation and change. Amiables prefer predictable routines and have a tendency to be indecisive. Have you ever seen two Amiables trying to go to lunch?
In an effort to avoid conflict, Amiables tend to be passive aggressive. Rather than assertively communicate how they’re feeling, they’ll take it, and take it, and take it, until, like a rubber band, they’ve stretched too far, and then they pop. Because it has taken them so long to get to the point of being upset, it takes them a long time to get over their anger, and they hold a grudge.
Similar to Amiables, Analyticals are very patient, slow-paced, and detail-oriented. Analyticals also tend to be more introverted, meaning they gain their energy by spending time alone, having time to think and process. Analyticals are similar to Drivers in that their main focus is on results, but they prefer to focus on quality, detail, and accuracy, regardless of how long the task takes.
Analyticals prefer to collect all the information, examine all sides of the equation, and carefully, methodically, make a decision. This can be frustrating for Drivers and Expressives who would rather make a quick decision, even if it requires going back and making adjustments later.
Analyticals may appear to be skeptical and critical, as they ask a lot of questions and challenge information. But they are simply trying to gather data and understand. Because they spend a great deal of time and energy ensuring their results are accurate, they tend to become defensive when others point out mistakes or oversights.
Similar to Drivers, Analyticals are extremely logical and objective. They are not as likely to be persuaded by feelings and emotions but prefer logic and facts. Analyticals tend to be black-and-white thinkers, uncomfortable with shades of gray.
We are all some combination of each style, but most of us have a style that is more dominant than the others. The key to your relationship success lies in your ability to understand your own tendencies and styles, identify the styles of others, and modify the way to present your message so that the other person is receptive. Stay tuned. Next month, we will explore ways to identify someone else’s style simply by observing them and follow that with a post to provide some techniques on how to effectively communicate with each of the styles.
For now, just pay attention to your own tendencies and be observant in your interactions with others. As always, leave a comment here or on Facebook with your questions!
The Truth About Happiness Revealed – How To Be Happy RIGHT NOW!
What does it take to be really happy and fulfilled in your life?
Will it take making a certain amount of money, quitting your job, getting in incredible shape, or finding the partner of your dreams?
The truth is, most people are delusional about happiness. We've been conditioned and programmed to believe that happiness is something that comes from outside of us, in the form of success or achievement, when it couldn't be further than the truth. The only thing that achieving external goals will give you is a sense of momentary pleasure, but it will never lead to lasting fulfillment.
The truth is, happiness is something that's already inside of you. It always has been and always will be. In fact, I believe happiness is our natural state of being – but it's only through the conditioning of society that programs to believe otherwise. It's only when we become aware of the conditioning and stop chasing happiness, that we really have the ability to find it within us.
In this video blog, I share openly and honestly my experiences with finding happiness in my life. Below, I'll also share some practical ways that can help you to find more joy, happiness and fulfillment in your life right now.
My Personal Experience With Happiness
When I was younger, my parents used to always fight about money. Not having any was a huge cause of stress and pain in my family.
As a result, I linked up in my brain that not having money equals pain. I also deluded myself into believing that by making money and being successful, that I'd finally get to be happy.
I didn't just believe this with money, but in other areas of my life as well.
I remember vividly believing that once I got out of high school and graduated, that I'd finally be happy.
Nope, I was wrong. I wasn't any happier.
I then convinced myself that by getting a good job and being able to make money, that I'd finally get to be happy.
Nope, wrong again. Wasn't any happier. In fact, I ended up hating my job, just like I did with high school.
Maybe if I bought a car? What about if I moved out from my parents house?
Hmm, what if I got a girlfriend? Had more friends? Got in amazing shape?
What if I made hundreds of thousands of dollars, quit my job, became financially free and travelled the world?
It didn't last. It was cool and exciting for a little while (just like all of the things above were), but the truth is, those feelings eventually went away.
I continued on with this cycle, as we all do, believing that it's by having something MORE that would finally make me happy.
It wasn't until I had this breakthrough that everything started to change for me…
It's About The Journey, Not The Destination!
I know you've heard this all before. Heck, I've heard and “knew” all this stuff for years from all the self-help books that I read.
But there's a difference between KNOWING something and really LIVING something.
It wasn't until I really started to achieve major success in my life and reach all of my major goals that I really had this breakthrough and it sank in.
I've had to look at my life on multiple occasions and really dig deep, to find out what was missing.
The breakthrough was to learn to enjoy the PROCESS of achieving my goals, not just the destination of the goal itself.
It was learning to enjoy all of the LITTLE THINGS in life, not just the big things. I've learned too really teach myself to find happiness and joy in every moment of every day, even in the activities that I used to not particularly enjoy.
The truth is, you can be happy RIGHT NOW.
You don't have to wait for a moment in the future when everything is perfect.
You don't have to wait until you make a million dollars, quit your job, buy that house or car, find that perfect relationship, or when you finally retire. Again, this is deluding yourself into believing that something has to HAPPEN in order for you to be happy. Don't buy into that, it's a lie.
If you aren't already happy RIGHT NOW in your life, then there's no reason to believe you will be happy in the future.
You can be happy right now, simply by deciding.
YOU control how you feel, nobody else does. YOU decide and determine what every moment of your life means. YOU have the power to look for the good, be grateful and experience happiness in any moment of your life, despite the circumstances or what's going on around you.
There's many ways of doing it.
You could incorporate new rituals in your life where you ask yourself new questions throughout your day to change what you focus on.
Whatever you focus on you feel. If you focus on how to be happy right now or think about what's great about this moment, you will start to feel and experience happiness.
For example, start by asking yourself these questions…
What are you happy about RIGHT NOW in your life?
… If your brain comes up with a blank, then ask yourself, what COULD you be happy RIGHT NOW if you really wanted to be?
If you can't think of anything, then it just goes to show how messed up your conditioning really is.
Most of us are so selective in what we focus on that could bring us happiness and joy. Again, we're programmed to look for the “big things” and focus on all that we don't have in our lives, instead of what we do have.
Here's some answers that I came up with really quick, that I'm happy about in my life:
- I'm so happy and grateful that I have my health!
- I'm so happy for every part of my body… my eyes, my nose, my ears, my face, my brain, my heart, my arms, legs, and EVERY PART OF MYSELF that gives me the ability to experience the life that my creator has given me.
- I'm so happy to live in one of the greatest cities in the world.
- I'm so happy to be alive during this time in history and get to enjoy the benefits of the hard work and sacrifice others have done before me.
- I'm so happy to have an amazing family and friends that are supportive and loving.
- I'm so happy to have the ability to exercise each day and improve my body.
- I'm so happy that I get to use this incredible tool called the internet that allows me to find answers to any question that I have.
- I'm so happy that I have the ability to share and influence others through the internet and my blog.
- I'm so happy to have clean, healthy water and an abundance of food.
- I'm so happy to have the freedom to make decisions in my life and create the future I want.
In my answers, I didn't mention owning a new Corvette Stingray, or living in a $1.7 million dollar penthouse, or making tons of money.
No, instead I've learned to focus on and find happiness in all of the little things in life.
You know… all of the little things that are actually the IMPORTANT THINGS that most of us take for granted.
I've learned to appreciate and be grateful for everything in my life, every moment of every day. To really soak in every experience and moment of life. To ENJOY the process, the journey and live for today… as tomorrow is not promised to us.
The truth is, you have it all right now. You are already abundant and have everything that you need in order to be happy RIGHT NOW.
Instead of complaining about your job or feeling upset about not being where you want to be, why not focus on the good that already exists in your life right now?
It's there, you just have to find it and constantly focus on it. You have to re-program yourself and make this your new way of being.
Make a ritual out of it. Condition yourself constantly to be happy and eventually it'll become your new default way of being.
Start a morning ritual as the first thing when you wake up tomorrow. End your day with an evening ritual.
Begin with a smile and end with a smile.
Keep that smile all throughout your day – on that drive to work, while you're working, walking down the street, while you're watching TV, and in everything that you do. Just changing your physiology that way will help you learn to enjoy this moment and release endorphins to your brain.
While you're driving to work or at your job or doing whatever it is that you're doing, ask yourself…
“How can I really be passionate about what I'm doing right now?”
If you ask your brain these questions, it will come up with the answers. If you can't come up with the answers, then you need to stop being a perfectionist and train yourself to look for the small things. It's the little things that will give you the joy and fulfillment that you're really looking for in your life.
If you can really own this concept and start to live it, your life will transform. You will begin to LOVE each day of your life and your happiness won't be determined by a moment in the future. Rather, you will be happy and fulfilled right now!
It's my hope that this video blog helps to break your old conditioning in some way and inspire you to feel happy right now.
Perhaps you already know this and are already living it – if so, congratulations! Sometimes we all need this reminder and need to get associated to the truth again, as it's easy to get caught back up in our old ways of being.
If you enjoyed this video blog or have any questions, please leave a comment below. I'd love to hear what you think.
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